The problem with opening up old wounds is that you assume under the scab it is healed.
It isn’t. There is just pus and pain and dead and dying flesh.
It needs exposure to heal, but that exposure hurts, and carrying an open wound around asks for infection and pain.
It needs controlled exposure, slow draining and cleaning and healing.
But if you leave it half done, and take a long absence because it doesn’t hurt anymore, you’ll find that the wound has grown, and is poisoning your blood.
So last post I opened up wounds, opened myself up to all that had been buried and covered,
It has not been a fun time. I went from quite stable and relaxed to completely unstable.
I have no control of my mood anymore. I cannot control or judge my reactions to anything. I’m being triggered by the strangest things around. A certain pitch will flood me with anger or sadness. A temperature can send me shivering and tired.
The strangest thing though, is that I’m not as warm as I used to be. The temperature I put out (external body temperature) has completely dropped.
My hands are always cold.
It’s a strange thing this. But as much as it hurts, and sucks, I must process through this whole thing. I need to clean the wound out fully and let it heal.
More to come.